Lynne Spears: Not Mother Of The Year

As you all know, dear children, Britney Spears’ mama Lynne has written a noble book called Through The Storm. Not just any book, but a piece of tell-all prose that highlights the troubles of being a child-pimp star mommy. Lynne’s book was all set to hit the stands around the time Britney went batshit crazy, so the release was pushed back to September 16th. More juicy stuff to spill! And spill she does.

Lynne has thrown HERSELF under the bus mom-wise, but hey…Brit-Brit has burned through some major coin lately, and a mom’s gotta have her spa days! Here are just a few nuggets:

Britney started drinking at 13, after she joined The Mickey Mouse Club. Lynne was one of those moms who didn’t really care as long as she was around for the drankin’. Hit me baby one more time…with vodka!

Lynne let Britney date an 18 year old football player when she was 14. Lynne was all for THIS genius idea, ‘cuz she wanted Britney to be popular! Kentwood family values! It was also cool with Lynne for Britney to spend the night with the jockstrap. Shocker when the dude popped Brit-Brit’s cherry! And you fell for that crap about Britney being a virgin when she was 14. Suckers!

When Britney was 16, she got caught with cocaine and pot while trying to board a private plane. By then, she was dating and sleeping with Justin Timberlake. In Britney’s room. ‘Cuz Lynne let them. But Britney was in love, y’all! Come on! A mom’s gotta have a heart! Have YOU ever had to argue with a 16 year old? Lynne rests her case.

Lynne blames Britney’s managers for turning her into a sex symbol at such a tender age. WTF?! Oh, and Lynne is really sad about her baby Jamie Lynn’s early knock-up too. Snarkista told you there is some hellacious crazy-juice in the Kentwood, Louisiana water. Obviously Lynne’s been guzzling that stuff for a LONG time. But go buy the book, y’all! Britney’s got some big doctor bills. And attorney bills. And child support. And…

Jamie Lynn Spears? Kick The Man-Ho Out!

Snarkista’s told you what a poor excuse for a man Casey Aldridge, father of Jamie Lynn Spear’s baby is. Not long ago, Casey got popped in the press for cheating on Jamie Lynn with a MUCH older woman while she was pregnant. Now, ANOTHER slut has come forward, and this one cashed a check from the National Enquirer.

20 year old “beauty queen” Andrea Revels went to school with Casey, and says she’s been screwing around with him for 4 years. Andrea says that:

“Casey is a womanizer and a player who can’t keep it in his pants. Casey hit on me every time he saw me…He threw himself on me and foolishly we ended up making love almost every time. During our romance, Casey was sleeping with as many as four other girls besides Jamie Lynn. All Casey can think about is the next person he’s going to have sex with.”

Is Casey Aldridge the only man in Kentwood, Louisiana? ‘Cuz he’s screwing the whole frickin’ town. Snarkista said they need to check the crazy-juice levels in the water supply, but holy crap! Andrea helpfully confirmed what we all know to be true…that Casey’s only in it for the Spears cash. What a royal asshat.

Jamie Lynn’s been rumored to be having second thoughts about marrying the idiot, and if she goes through with it after THIS bombshell, she deserves what she gets. Get him the hell out of the house, Jamie Lynn, and use his public cheating to minimize any cash he tries to squeeze out of you. Lawyer-up with someone who DOESN’T advertise on billboards and cut your losses while you can.

Casey’s Cheating On Jamie Lynn Spears, D-Listers Pile On

Esteemed media purveyor In Touch magazine has an “exclusive” with a 28 year old woman who says she cheated with 19 year old Casey Aldridge, Jamie-Lynn Spears’ baby daddy. While Jamie-Lynn was fat preggers. They have some pretty skanky pics in the mag that Jamie-Lynn is probably beating the shizz out of Casey with right now. Don’t wake the baybah!

Rumors have been around for a long time that Casey couldn’t keep his pants zipped. Guess In Touch came up with the right number on the paycheck!!

Jason Alexander, Britney’s “mini-marriage” groom has chimed in and says that yes, Casey is a big fat cheater. And…

“Kelli and Casey have been a couple on and off for a few years, they were a really tight couple, but I think it was hard for Kelli, having Jamie Lynn in the picture.

The cradle robber, Kelli Dawson, says she and Casey have been hooking up for 12 months! And still are!! They stopped having sex, though, ‘cuz of the baby and all. Kelli apparently had a whiff of remorse about keeping that part up. Check out her pic- she looks about 38, not 28! Somebody needs to check the crazy-juice levels in the Kentwood water. Great job, Casey! Your gravy-train may have just derailed!

Snark Sightings

Heidi Montag Could Rule Olympic Chin-Ups: Webster Is My Bitch

New Job No-No’s: 9 To Fried

Madonna’s Rep Doesn’t Know Photoshop: The Superficial

Nelly’s Pumped: Bumpshack

Shia LaBeouf Catches A Break: Backseat Cuddler

Little Jamie Lynn Hates The Papz: Spewker

Miley Wants Hannah Dead: Socialite Life

Jamie Lynn’s Reproduction Rap

“Hey, y’all! Jamie Lynn Spears here! Some of you younguns might not know how Ah got all knocked up and stuff and ended up with ma baybah Maddie! So, Ah put this video out for y’all so you kin git ya yer OWN baybah! It is REAL easy!”

A Snarkista Smooch to Allan and Sean at Omovies!

Jamie Lynn Spears Welcomes Maddie Briann

Baby Spears is a momma! Jamie Lynn had a C-Section this morning at approximately 8:30 am central at Southwest Regional Medical Center in McComb, MS., and is reportedly resting well. The baby girl has been named Maddie Briann, her middle name probably in honor of Jamie Lynn and Britney’s brother Brian. Maddie weighs 7 pounds, 11 ounces. Her father is Casey Aldridge. Welcome to the world, little one.

Jamie-Lynn Spears Is About To Pop

And from the looks of things, Brit-Brit is jealous of Jamie-Lynn’s preggy bod! Reports say Britney’s firing up the jet today and is about to hookem to Mississippi for the baby-poppin’. Brit honey, I’ve said it before, you REALLY, REALLY look knocked-up! Unless that’s one bigass cheeto bag you’re smuggling.

I don’t think you’re gonna be able to pull off one of those “I didn’t even know I was pregnant!” stories, Britney. Ah-HAH! You’re planning to hibernate down in the swamp with sissy awhile and make it LOOK like she had twins! Girl, you are one sneaky blonde.

UPDATE: The Enquirer online is reporting that:

Doctors are preparing to induce labor for Jamie Lynn Spears in the next 24 to 48 hours due to complications in the pregnancy, insiders told The ENQUIRER.
The 17 year-old star of Zoey 101 had an ultrasound last week, indicating her baby may be in breech position..Britney and her father Jamie left Los Angeles Wednesday morning on a commercial flight to join Jamie Lynn.

Earlier tests showed the baby is a girl. Jamie Lynn and Casey plan to name their new baby a combination of both their names – Cailynn or Cassie. Dang…I was bettin’ on Jaiylbait.