Turn Loose Of The Bottle, Lily Allen


Trainwreck alert! Someone at the GQ awards, presented last night, thought it would be a good idea to have Elton John and Lily Allen as co-hosts. Risky! Miss Lily has had several instances of being HAMMERED in public recently, and Elton is not known for holding his tongue. Bottom line: Lily made a complete ASS of herself during the ceremonies.

Lily and Elton began arguing in front of a shocked crowd when Lily got drunk…throwing down copious amounts of champagne while she and Elton gave out awards. The UK Daily Mail says Lily was already soused when she arrived at London’s Royal Opera House for the event. Quoth the Daily Mail:

The 23-year-old, decked out in an extravagant Dolce and Gabbana ballgown and Chopard jewellery, soon began slurring, swearing and ad-libbing. And when she introduced Carol Vorderman to the stage with a verbal tirade, saying ‘F***’ no fewer than five times in the same sentence, her co-host decided enough was enough. When Miss Allen came to announce ‘…and now the most important part of the night’, Elton chipped in ‘What? Are you going to have another drink?’ She fired back: ‘F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!’ The shocked audience fell silent. A clearly rattled Elton replied ‘I could still snort you under the table’. To which she replied: ‘F*** off. I don’t know what you are talking about.’

Lily then proceeded to proclaim that she would f**** Tony Bennett, and spilled the beans about her brother’s previously unannounced engagement. Classy! Lily continued to chug the champagne, and ended up slumping down at the back of the stage. As usual, her bodyguard had to help her into her car after the show.

This type of public disaster is fast becoming Lily’s calling card. Not only does she get sloshed constantly, she often does it under the glare of the stage lights. Hopefully, event planners will leave Lily OFF the hostess list in the future. Sure, it makes for an unforgettable show, but it’s doubtful the guests want to risk becoming Lily’s next f-bomb victims! Lily seems to be in a race with Amy Winehouse for the most public meltdowns. That’s a STUPID award to go for.

photo credit: UK Daily Mail

No, Lily. Just No.

Lily Allen performed at Hyde Park in London yesterday, for the 02 Wireless Music Festival. Lily wore THIS outfit: a gray tank top sans bra, leopard-print leggings– Snarkista’s most HATED item of clothing, and some heels. Producer Mark Ronson, Lindsay Lohan’s possible future brother-in-law, performed two songs with Lily: “Oh My God” and “Littlest Things,” Lily smoked a ciggy throughout.

Snarkista thinks that Lindsay has SOMETHING to do with Lily’s recent loss of ALL fashion sense. Especially where the leggings are concerned. Lily and Lindsay have become pals, and that’s never a good thing where style is concerned. Let this be a lesson to all of you who might have a thought of wearing leggings. Please, please, just say NO.

Lily Allen’s Mom Is Nuts!

Lily Allen is petrified that her mom’s gonna invite “random fans” INTO HER HOUSE! Lily says her mother Alison Owen is always suggesting she let her dedicated fans stay with her as a thank-you for their support! See Lily come home snammerred in the wee hours of the morning! Help her pick out which swingy dress she’ll wear! Give Lily advice on haircolor! Lily may get her drink on alot, but she’s still smart enough not to take mom’s advice. Lily expounds:

“There was one group of girl fans who flew all the way over from Texas just for one night to see me. I met them briefly. It was really flattering. I told my mother and she was like, ‘Oh my God, that’s so sweet, well you should let them stay here!’ And I was like, ‘You what? Are you f***ing mental?’ I’m scared of home in case my mum meets random fans and brings them home for a cup of tea!”

Lily’s had her share of spats with other celebs, and told Britain’s OK! magazine: “I have a hell of a lot of insecurities and that’s probably why I say these things, to deflect the attention away from myself. I’ve always been rebellious and anti this and that.”

Rebellious yes, insane- at least not completely. Mom needs a head-check! Methinks mom may be up in the sauce a bit too much as well, or perhaps is developing a bit of the dementia. Lily should slip some Abilify up in mom’s morning tea and see if she’ll wise up! In the meantime, remote-view security cameras should be FIRST on Lily’s shopping list today. Yes Lily dear, even before finding MORE slaughter-patterned fabric. It will still be there, trust me.

Lily Allen Hates Bambi

Lily Allen Bambi dress

I’m starting to get a little concerned about Lily Allen. She’s been through a lot, (miscarriage, breakups, bad bleach jobs). Lily seems to be hitting the sauce a bit too much, and has racked up a solid record for getting snogged at celebrity events. Her hangover posts on her Myspace warn the kiddies about how effin bad a hangover feels, and to cut off their drinking at that ethereal point where a hangover won’t be your companion for the next two days. Lily needs to take her own advice!

Sadly, all of this boozing and then falling down has impacted her fashion choices. Our girl used to wear cute, retro, swingy dresses. Here we have Lily in a retro, swingy dress with Bambi spurting blood all over it. Truly a Bjork moment, but sneakier ‘cuz you have to be closer to get the shock. What IS the thought process that went into designing THIS fabric? “It will be FIERCE, girl! White satin (the fabric devoid of forgiveness) splashed with an ebola-infected deer! It can squirt blood out of it’s chest, and have an innocent, yet WTF look on it’s face! It’s MAYJAH cutting edge! With extra cutting!”

Lily has her own clothing line, so it’s entirely possible she picked this out herself… while hammered. You know how things seem like a good idea when you’re buzzing like a chainsaw? And then you forget about them, or worse, wake up with them? I think Lily’s perpetual state of pickled kept her from forgeting about this PETA-provoking ensemble. Maybe it’s a gun control statement, or maybe Lily just hates venison. Lily had to be carried out of the “UK Glamor Women of the Year Awards” where she received the “Editor’s Special Award”… like the Special Olympics of Glamour. That’s one cheapasstic looking award, too – a plastic ruler mounted on a paperweight. DETOX TIME!

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