Beyonce, Lindsay And Mischa’s Little Secret: CTW
Kate Moss Is Going Bald: Celebitchy
Mario Lopez- Still A Diva: Page Six
Kim Kardashian’s Krack: The Grumpiest
Perez’s Global Domination: Gawker
Which NOBODY wants to see- unless, perhaps, you’re Samantha Ronson. How hard is it to design freaking leggings? And, more importantly, why WOULD you? Snarkista hates leggings, even though she has fabulous legs that everything looks great on. Seriously, leggings aren’t flattering on anyone, and just look like busted ’80’s unless worn under a long top. Under a long top they are just stupidfug.
If you skip the long top, get ready for some full-on cameltoe at some point in the day. WAY too dangerous. Mischa Barton was out recently in some truly HEINOUS polyester-denim leggings (and, of course, cameltoe). Plumb God- AWFUL, trust me.
Brainiac-marketer Lindsay has named her line “6126”, because EVERYONE knows that’s Marilyn Monroe’s birthday, and Lindsay IS Marilyn reincarnated (according to Dina). It should have been named “666”, because the “line” will include:
â€œfootless tightsâ€ made from â€œSupima cotton and Modal ribbed knitsâ€ along with other fabrics spruced up with zippers, foil prints, yarn dyes and sexy metallic and screen prints.
Cashmere leg warmers and something called an â€œankle glove,â€ a modified warmer that covers the ankle, are also part of the line, which will start at $40 and go up to $140.
The only people who should be wearing cashmere leg warmers are ballet dancers, and the mysterious “ankle glove” sounds like… a leg warmer. I can only IMAGINE the horror of zippers on leggings, and metallic prints could blind the paparazzi! It’s hard out there for a pap- and eyesight is quite important for the job. Ribbed knits will make your legs look like an NFL football player’s. If Snarkista finds out you’ve paid $140 for a pair of tights, there will be holy hell to pay! Just say “oh HELL no”, and buy some real pants.
Ah, Friday! Time for a Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where Z-listers get some press while they desperately try to go for twenty. Today’s guest is Landon Brown, son of the dapper and debonair Bobby Brown. Yeah, Landon’s one of his gazillion kids. Landon recently competed on MTV’s horrifying “Rock The Cradle”, where celebu-spawn fight it out American Idol style for a deal and some coin. (If you wanna see some crazy, check out some of the episodes online. Once you get to Chloe Lattanzi, you better strap yourself in).
Landon didn’t win, and the show is over. What’s a Z to do? Remember that you “got together” with Lindsay Lohan in a public bathroom! Landon’s obviously been holding these particular cards back, but saw the avalanche of lesbo-press Li-Lo’s been getting, and figured he’d better throw ’em down! If too many more neck-munching Samantha Ronson and Lindsay pics come out, Landon’d be S.O.L. SO…
â€œMe and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together . . . I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me”
Landon would REALLY like for Lindsay to call him back too. He said so. Bless your little famewhoring heart, honey. Good luck with that. Maybe you should look into a wig…