Morgan Freeman Wants To Marry His Granddaughter. Ew.

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A sordid tale out of Hollywood today that should make Woody Allen look like a monk…72 year-old actor Morgan Freeman wants to marry his 27 year-old step-granddaughter E’Dena Hines, once his divorce is finalized. Reportedly the two have been carrying on an affair for 10 YEARS. Holy crap.

Freeman and his estranged wife Myrna, 68,raised E’Dena since she was a young child. A family insider says:

“Morgan has led her to believe that he wants to marry her,” said a family insider. Becoming Mrs. Morgan Freeman has been E’Dena’s goal.”

Morgan isn’t the only one who is a few fries short of a happy-meal…wife Myrna admits she and Morgan have not slept together for several years and they had an open marriage, both having other partners during the course of their marriage. Nonetheless, Morgan allegedly began having sex with E’Dena as a teen, and then the two continued a relationship after Myrna found out. Apparently this was the last straw.

Snarkista hopes her dear readers aren’t eating breakfast right now.

Megan Fox Needs To “Transform” Her Potty Mouth

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Megan Fox, star of the new movie Transformers, is considered one of the world’s most beautiful women. Her mouth, however…not so pretty. The Sun reports that she went off on a foul-mouthed tirade at the suggestion that she’s too beautiful for serious movie roles.

Megan blasted:

“It p***es me when people f***ing complain that I’m too beautiful to get a part. That’s bulls***. You wouldn’t be working if you weren’t attractive. Hollywood is the most superficial thing you could possibly be a part of. And if I weren’t attractive I wouldn’t be working at all.”

Does Megan think it’s worth isolating herself in order to escape the madness of Hollywood? More colorful language.

“Yeah, it’s worth it. “Because if it was – if I wasn’t making that decision I wouldn’t, I would be f***ing, not literally f***ing away my career, but I’d be s***ting away my career.”

Hmmm. Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, but the ears can overrule the eyes in certain cases. Word to the wise, girls: pretty is as pretty does.

Katie Holmes Is About To Go Nuts

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Imprisoned starlet Katie Holmes is rumored to be in danger of cracking up over hubby Tom Cruise’s pressure for her to have another Sci-bot. Their little Suri– princess of the universe- is OVER Katie’s pretending to be a designer so she can get out of the basement and share Suri’s craft room. Katie’s Scientology jailers minders and Overlord Tommy himself have pumped Katie’s head full of thetanphobia, and ensure she is rarely alone. But don’t call it a cult!

Britain’s Now magazine reports:

Tom’s desire to have another baby has put a strain on 30-year-old Katie — who is struggling with feelings of inadequacy thanks to Cruise’s constant scrutiny, according to a report in British magazine Now.

“Suri had her third birthday on 18 April and it was clear at her ‘princess party’ how much Tom adores her,” a source told the publication.

“But he hoped she’d have a brother or sister by now. They agreed to try as soon as Katie finished her Broadway play in January, but it hasn’t happened.

“Tom’s control, through Scientology, has been almost unbearable for Katie. But the more she’s fought it, the tougher he gets. Never having any space to herself is stressful for her.”

Following the April 12 death of her brother-in-law, Katie had been getting closer to her parents again and went back home to Ohio for the funeral.

“It seemed like a good time to reach out to them,” the insider said. “She’s feeling the strain of being under the watchful eye of the Scientologists and wanted to build bridges again.”

John Duignan, a member of the cult for 20 years who knows people in Tom’s entourage, explains,

“If she’s under pressure to provide another child, they’ll use very powerful mind-control techniques to help Tom get what he wants. Katie had been in New York, talking to real people and then she was back in the world of Scientology.

“She could crack up. There are lots of suicides among Scientologists — it’s psychologically very damaging. At least she’s been exposed to outside influences. But it’s difficult to escape, especially with a child.”

It will take a Mission Impossible style operation to extract poor Katie and Suri from the clutches of the madman and L. Ron Hubbard’s brainwashers. Scientology kills. Google it.

Is Brangelina Kaput? This Is Gonna Be Expensive.

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Seems all is NOT all kumbayah in the Brad Pitt / Angelina Jolie international village. Rumors are flying that Brangelina are not getting along AT ALL, and that a big split is coming. A very messy, $250 million dollar split. The pair have been spending so much time apart while Jolie films her new movie Salt, that their relationship has been stretched to the breaking point. Translation: Brad is OVER diaper-duty. The National Enquirer, ever vigilant, reports this:

Family and friends expect a heartbreaking battle for their six children, and sources predict a titanic fight over their massive $250 million fortune.

“Brad and Angelina have been leading increasingly separate lives, and Brad has had enough of being a full-time dad,” maintained an insider. “He’s visited Angelina only once on the New York set of her latest movie, and he genuinely feels they no longer have the equal relationship they once did.”

As one of Tinsel Town’s top A-list couples, Brad pulls in up to $35 million a film, while Angelina banks around $20 million per movie. Sources say dividing their tangled assets is sure to be a legal minefield.

But as Brad, 45, and Angelina, 33, brace for a possible split, the issue of child custody is causing the greatest heartache, sources say.

Seems Brad sees the writing on the wall regarding the Angie vs. Octomom competition. He’s getting himself off the hook for any more babies Angie might like to collect… which could be a considerable number. Just send the check, Brad. Then you and Guy Ritchie can go have a freedom beer!

R.I.P Dom DeLuise

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So sad to have to inform you, dear readers; Funnyman Dom DeLuise, 75, passed away last night in an L.A. hospital.

Snarkista adored Dom, who starred in Mel Brooks films like ‘Blazing Saddles,’ ‘Silent Movie,’ ‘History Of The World Part One,’ ‘Space Balls,’ ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights,’ and co-starring with Burt Reynolds in films like ‘The Cannonball Run,’ ‘Smokey and The Bandit II,’ ‘The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas’ and ‘The End.’

He also hosted the popular TV show “Candid Camera” from 1991-1992. Dom was an avid cook and author: he wrote several cookbooks and childrens’ stories. Sources told TMZ that he passed away peacefully in his sleep around 6 PM.

Our condolences to Dom’s family on such a loss. We’re pretty sure, however, that there are smiles and laughter in heaven today!

Crimes Against Fashion: Katie Holmes, Edition NO.

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Katie Holmes popped out of Aladdin’s lamp the other night, escaping to the Independent Filmmaker Project’s annual in NYC. Katie can surprise with some whack outfits, including some unfortunate self-creations. Is this Jen Aniston meets “I Dream Of Jeanie” another one? No matter who made it, it’s classic K-bot.

Kate zips us back to the 70’s…in a shiny shiny jumpsuit that may be something Mimi Rogers left with Tommy-girl years ago. Those tent pants could hide a Suri clone or even a spare E-meter. And the goldwashed accessories just scream “original Charlie’s Angels meets Claire’s.” Ditto for the bag. Someone PLEASE distract Katie from foraging any further into fashion design and execution. She’s used to people telling her what to do, so a little effort should do the trick. Use the Scientology rundown if you have to. Stylist!

Is Angelina Jolie Helping Octomom?

angelina-jolie-headshotSnarkista hopes so because it would suck Angie Jo and her giant brood into the shizzstorm that is Octomom Nadya Suleman’s life, and we’d get to watch. This drama is COMPLETELY irresistible for Angelina Jolie. An eight-baby score doesn’t come around every day. This is from the Star, so take that for what it’s worth. Sayth the tab:

“Angelina is worried about the best interests of the kids,” explains a source. “As a mom of six, she knows how chaotic and costly raising a big family can be.” And while the money would no doubt help Nadya pay for everything from clothes to schooling, Angelina, 33, does have some misgivings about the gift, notes the source. “She doesn’t necessarily approve of Nadya, and she doesn’t want to turn the situation into even more of a circus.”

ONLY Angelina swooping in could make Octomom’s world more of a circus! It’s a freak show already! Gloria Allread representing nannies who get fired by Nadya…who’s having hot-tubs installed and loves Starbucks, AND shopping for her dozens of kids, courtesy of the State of California. Dr. Phil loves it.

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And she wants to look just like you, Angie. You have to do SOMETHING.