Boy Band Mogul Lou Perlman Gets 25 Years For Fraud

The Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync’s svengali/exploiter Lou Perlman was sentenced to 25 years in prison today for defrauding investors and banks to the tune of $300 million dollars. For 20 years Perlman lured investors into placing millions of dollars into two companies that didn’t exist. Perlman faked financial statements to keep the curious at bay. For 20 YEARS!

Classy Perlman’s victims included his family and friends, and elderly people who lost their life savings in the scams. Naturally, the judge was quite unsympathetic towards Perlman, and slapped him with 25 years in the big house. Perlman tried to buy time because he’s launching a new European pop band called “US 5” in the United States and Asia! Judge doesn’t give a shiz about new boy bands. He’s also too smart to buy Lou’s snake oil about the “significant profits” US 5 would be earning which could be used to pay back his victims.

The Backstreet Boys and N’Sync both realized into their relationships with Perlman that he was cheating them blind, and have spoken in the past about their horrible experiences. It will be interesting to see if any of Lou’s former prodigies speak out about his upcoming great adventure.

Simon Cowell Is A Giant Purple Pimp

Holy crap. American Idol’s finale just ended, the long awaited David Cook v David Archuleta matchup. Idol pulled Andrew Lloyd Weber back out of the crypt, and he and 200 year old Clive Davis served as mentors to the Davids. David Cook sang three different songs well. Lil Archie sang 3 ballads, one of which was “Imagine”. Again.

If Randy says “Dude you could sing the phonebook, you’re so good” ONE MORE TIME I will cease watching Idol forever. Seriously dawg, you need some new material ASAP. Paula was, well- Paula, and Simon has never pimped Archie harder. We’re talking downtown, DIRTY pimping! Any lack of transparency on the judges’ part was gone tonight, as it was a complete Archuleta coronation-fest. GAK!

Numbers for David COOK are: 1-866-IDOLS01, 03, and 05, or text “vote” to 5701.

Poll: Beyonce’s “House of Dereon” For Kids

house of dereon kids yikesBeyonce and mom Tina Knowles have extended the god-awful clothing line named after B’s poor grandmom. Now, YOUR kids can dress like little Lolitas AND help support Beyonce and Tina’s nasty rhinestone and glitter habits! That shiz is CRACK for those two! What’s next- kiddie cameltoes? Gramma must be rolling in her grave. Is Snarkista just a big prude? Vote and give me your opinion!

Photoshop Awards: American Idol Edition

American Idol Season 7 TourHere’s the first American Idol Season 7 tour poster I’ve seen, (click to enlarge) and I’m wondering why they all look like they floated in from outer space! Was it not possible to get them all in the room at the same time? Surely there’s something in those 19E contracts that mandates attendance at all shoots!

I’m assuming Carly’s jacket has sleeves, but if not, at least they’ve got the tats covered. Not sure why wardrobe chose to put black stilletos on Kristy Lee; with the white and gold theme they make her feet stick out like giant skis. David Cook has such mad skills that he’s trying to point out this faux-pas in the pic. Is there no END to his talent?! Ramiele’s hair looks like a melted conehead, and Archie must be looking at daddy; Brooke looks sick to her stomach, and Poor Michael Johns is scooted in like an afterthought. Obviously SOMEONE quit their graphics education at Photoshop 101! Cut and paste anyone?

Mariah’s Marriage Marathon

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s wedding extravaganzas are still coming! You probably know that Mimi and Nick had a quickie ceremony in the Bahamas, and then rented out an amusement park so that friends could watch them ride the rollercoasters by themselves. Loads of fun! If you’re Mimi and Nick!!

It seems the happy couple (or at least the female half of the happy couple) can’t get enough of all things bridal- and are planning ANOTHER wedding to take place in New York, in about 6 weeks. Sources say THIS wedding will be more of what we’d expect from Mariah- over the top, 2000+ guests, 4 milion dollar budget, and at least 14 bridesmaids. Now THAT’S the Mimi we know and love!

Mariah told Ellen DeGeneres last week that most of the guests of the quickie wedding were “people there to do my hair and help with my dress”. You know, the little people! Mimi wants a wedding for the big people now, an extravaganza extraordinaire! Expect loads of celebs and paparazzi, and possibly the shortest wedding dress ever worn. Don’t wear it, Mariah! Lay off the micro-minis for just ONE day! And please, no white organza bomber jackets. Just a request.

Morning Sickness

Because you asked, here’s some pictoral evidence on the latest possible Spears family pregnancy. Warning: use caution before you read any further, as it is still morning and YOU don’t want to get morning sickness. Here’s our daffy Britney on her patio the other day. Preggers? Sure looks like it.

Lots of “who’s the daddy” speculation going on! Despite daily gym and dance workouts, Britney looks alot more than a few weeks along. Nice touch with the smoking and ass grab!

Poll: Whose Pregnancy Rumors Are You Over?

Okay, so today we had even MORE possible celeb pregnancy rumors; in addition to the wall-to-wall Ashlee Simpson, we also had Beyonce and Britney(gasp) said to be in the family way. I will have to resist giving myself Pete Wentz’s haircut if I hear any more about Ashlee and the shotgun wedding. But Beyonce? Or BRITNEY? There are some Brit-Brit pics out that look pretty preggy. Holy Adnan, say it ain’t so. So tell me- whose pregnancy rumors bore you the most? Or, just make you really tired?