The New Nicole Richie?

Nicole Richie is reportedly developing a new reality show where she will search for the “new Nicole”. Hmm. What could the requirements for THIS job be?
1) Sidekick for wonky-eyed
(ex) slutty friend
2) Drug addict
3) Anorexic
4) Get a DUI
5) Collection of giant sunglasses
6) Fugly boyfriend
7) Lose baby weight in 2 weeks

This sounds alot like Paris Hilton’s search for a new BFF to replace Nicole! EW reports that the unscripted show would test each of 7 contestants’ ability to achieve insta-fame and in the end, award the winner with their OWN reality show! A self-perpetuating franchise! The winner can then go on to have ANOTHER reality show to find THEM a friend! Why is it that so many “stars” have to have reality shows to help them find friends? Possibly because they’re numbnuts who have the attention span of dirt? Or maybe it’s just douche overload. Either way, SOMEBODY’S gonna get a “friend” outa all of this crap. For about 2 months.

Old Kids On The Block- The Fantasy Video

Girl, please. Who is gonna groove to this lameity-lame shizz? This is a 35 year old man’s fantasy video that would only come true if you have a giant wallet! 19 year old girls are NOT into old boy-band guys, and aren’t gonna come shake it at your tiki hut unless you’re loaded.

I get the marketing angle- it IS “Summertime”. But if I hear this crap coming out of my radio I’m gonna pull my Glock on it! The FIRST TIME, I say! In case you haven’t had a good laugh from the New Kids On The Block’s comeback attempt, here you go. Something about this reminds me of Heidi Montag.

Brody Jenner, Professional Douche, Wants A Bromance

The male Paris Hilton, Brody Jenner, has lucked out and convinced MTV and Ryan Seacrest to give him his own show on MTV. Here he is with a broken finger courtesy of a girl. The “Hills” dude is looking for someone to replace SPENCER PRATT as his new BFF. The show is called “Bromance”, and will have contestants compete to be part of Brody’s doucheterage. Eliminations will occur in a HOT TUB! Does this sound kinda gay to anyone?

Challenges will include skydiving, dealing with the paparazzi, ability to get into clubs etc. where the wannabe bros will be vying for the great honor of hanging with Brody.

After the “Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies” the rejected dudes will be asked to leave the douchepad dripping wet in a swimsuit, luggage in hand. Contestants also will have shots at a “group date” and “alone time” with Jenner in every episode. Eww.

Brain dead MTV senior vp series development Liz Gateley said. “Brody is the perfect fit for this concept; he is type of guy everyone wants to hang out with.” If you’re into that kinda shizz. MTV is really upping the quality of their programming! After “Rock The Cradle”, they’re dipping into the vast pool of Z-listers again.

How hard could it be to replace Spencer? Pretty hard, unless you’re good at staged photo ops and plans for world domination. Good luck to the Bros, but I’d start doing butt- squeeze exercises in case there is a surprise challenge in the hot tub.

Friday’s Fifteen Minutes…

Ah, Friday! Time for a Friday’s Fifteen Minutes, where Z-listers get some press while they desperately try to go for twenty. Today’s guest is Landon Brown, son of the dapper and debonair Bobby Brown. Yeah, Landon’s one of his gazillion kids. Landon recently competed on MTV’s horrifying “Rock The Cradle”, where celebu-spawn fight it out American Idol style for a deal and some coin. (If you wanna see some crazy, check out some of the episodes online. Once you get to Chloe Lattanzi, you better strap yourself in).

Landon didn’t win, and the show is over. What’s a Z to do? Remember that you “got together” with Lindsay Lohan in a public bathroom! Landon’s obviously been holding these particular cards back, but saw the avalanche of lesbo-press Li-Lo’s been getting, and figured he’d better throw ’em down! If too many more neck-munching Samantha Ronson and Lindsay pics come out, Landon’d be S.O.L. SO…

“Me and Lindsay got really, really close. She followed me to the bathroom during a private party, and, well, we basically got together . . . I think she knew who I was when she first saw me. We were just staring at each other and she walked by. I walked into the bathroom and she followed me”

Landon would REALLY like for Lindsay to call him back too. He said so. Bless your little famewhoring heart, honey. Good luck with that. Maybe you should look into a wig…